My Life experience : The feeling of being mute !

Hey my Mj’s !
Today I wanted to be raw and share with you one of my life -experience that has undoubtebly shaped my thinking and why I am blogging and writing today !

Mute …

For years and years my hello was a shut up , I was used to it is was my daily loath of bread, the gift of my brother .
I felt like freedom was for others . I felt trapped I felt unworthy to talk and to voice my concerns and I even felt that I had simply become MUTE.
It affected everything : My confidence that turned into a low self-esteem , my shyness in class, the way I felt inferior to anyone and has always to prove anybody how smart i actually was and the need to control and perfectionism i developed working with other people my creativity that I would hide .
then the time has passed and my thought was , well time will do it’s work and hope was my daily oxygen that one day he would let me say Something , Anything !
that one day my voice would matter.

However, the time didn’t heal anything and when he came back from his London job , the first phrase that came out of this mouth when I said welcome was shut up ! This same phrase again
Now my brother was kind of a national figure everywhere he went and they all admired him starting by my family , he was the one , kind with everyone apart me , that succeded in doing maths related studies as he became an ingenior and he might have been working really hard for that but i basically was seen as a ghost in front of him , even if I was the eldest of the family but it is not important for him
Now that he knows that I am sick it’s even worse mind you , he now have a valid reason to say that : who would care of a disabled according to him nobody , so he wouldn’t care.
I tried every method and the best is still the separation .
So I became mute everywhere, I would let my curiosity die to please everyone and to fit in , at least they wouldn’t treat me as poorly as my brother did ..
So I felt mute again and again until one friend told me that I deserved to be happy and that I wasn’t alone and from that moment on I decided to SHOUT and I want to be this friend for you this friend that tells you that no matter what you ‘re going through your attitude trully determines your direction !

Enjoy 🙂
Mary Jokes;)

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